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Saturday, December 26, 2009

It's Complicated

Merry-day-after-Christmas. A movie I'm longing to see came out yesterday. Its' title is just about right for my Christmas season. I've been in recovery for 10 months now - recovery for the issue of co-dependency. Ten months does not an expert make. I really needed a perfect Christmas to replace last year's memory. Last Christmas was pretty well a bottom for me.

This year's began well. Son #2 does not live with us and since I have detached from him, I felt strong. I do not fret, do not worry, do not stew. It's some. How can a mother do that?

Our annual party is always on the 23rd and this year brother and wife came for a visit. The party started well with both my brothers and My Guy in the kitchen with me. We split up duties, which lightened the load and added a splash of (bourbon) fun while whipping up the egg nog. The 23rd was fun: a myriad of guests - the best type: close friends, dear friends, praying friends, running friends, fun friends. The last one left at midnight and My Guy and I cleaned up that night.

Christmas Eve was slow for me. Pretty well pooped from prepping for the party. My Guy hit the crowds for that last minute shopping he loves. #1 Son was to arrive this day and we planned on church with the in-laws in the evening. #1 Son called My Guy around 3 pm and then we lost him. At 5 pm the phone rang and as I listened to My Guy very calmly talking on his end; I sank to my knees by my bedside. There is no need to go into details. Suffice it to say - it's complicated.

My co-dependent tools work for #2 Son. Not so much for #1. I didn't think I needed tools (any more) for him. A 54 year old woman does not need A Predicament to make her eyes look worse! This event racked my gut and I had to hide in a bedroom upstairs. I proceeded to sob. Hard.

My Guy got the call to help #1 Son so on Christmas Eve he drove away. I opted to be alone so my in-laws were stuck at their place on Christmas Eve (alone). It was a bit selfish of me; but I could only handle Duke and Stella watching me be the fool.

A phone call at 7 pm to my cousin helped. As she was about to enter church, I told her our predicament. Her retort was perfect - for the situation; not so much for church. But, it's complicated. What else was there to say? She and her hubby would pray for us. Thank goodness. My Guy and two sons walked in at 11 pm. I saw a physical definition of "sorry" and of remorse in #1 Son's eyes and hugs. #2 Son felt the need to crush me in a hug and then picked me up off the ground. We fixed snacks, poured egg nog and toasted one another. It's complicated.

Seventeen people were coming to dinner Christmas day and my heart was not ready for guests. I walked around that morning in a fog, looking like Puff Mommy (cried-out-eyes). The other woman-mentor in my life helped too. She decided that in the overall scheme of "life," The Predicament was not that big a deal. She prayed for me over the phone. I felt better.

The meal was not complicated as The Crew was helping. They descended and the air in the house turned from somber to saucy. I have discovered a tip for anyone out there that needs a little zest at family gatherings. Invite "strays." Cousin's friends were the perfect guests. Jack and Linda are worldly, fun and kind. They were thrown into a home that is a tad complicated and handled it with aplomb and grace. I love watching people who have the talent to include anyone in a conversation.

The Food by All was a perfect blend of yumminess topped off with Decorator Desserts by Linda. Cousin forced me to play games. I do not like games. I liked these games. She called me a "gamer." When they departed, My Guy got right back in the kitchen. Several of us had done 2/3 of the clean up before gaming. We had not gotten to the drawer that had gravy in it after someone accidentally missed the gravy boat.

I told My Guy that I was beyond tired and was running a hot bath infused with lavender oil. "Let's wait until tomorrow to finish cleaning up" said The Mrs. He told me he was not tired...

Thanks be for a good night's rest. The dogs got me up at 6:30 and I walked into the kitchen. It was spotless. My favorite coffee cup was waiting for me by the coffee pot. Who could ask for a better help mate? I thank God for the man I've been married to for 32 years. I thank God for friends who look forward to our 19th year of egg nog. I thank God for relatives that love us through every Predicament.

It's December 26. I have six days until 2010. It's complicated....I'm ready.

Happy New Year!


Anonymous said...

YAYYYY, Virginia!! I love this....I will post a link from my blog, is that okay?

Dianne said...

This is so well written it should be a book. Virginia darling you are amazingly strong and so gifted. love you!